On May 3rd, 2014 my whole life changed due to my husband, 32+ years, was killed. This is the reason for my blog. I believe it’s time to document how, what, why, where my life has changed. We all go through season changes throughout life, some are voluntary; some are not. Mine was not. My life partner has been ripped out of my earth journey without my knowledge or even approval. I will post the good, bad, and ugly of this journey as I feel it necessary.

May 1st brings on such a wave of emotions/thoughts for me. It’s the middle of a year where new things are growing, earth is green, plants are blooming with new life, birds are singing, chirping, grabbing worms out of the rain/dew covered ground. Yet for me it’s a reminder of what’s around the corner…my husband’s life ended. I think it would be a tad easier if he died in an accident, or due to some natural causes…but noooo it had to be by the hand of another, stranger….a dark, cold hearted person who cared less about someone else’s life. Yep…this is where my mind goes…into the dark recess of how my husband was killed.

I’ve had a tough time wrapping my brain around everything that has happened these last three years. Today is May 3, 2017, it’s 4:10 am and I’m awake. Sleep is eluding me. Usually I don’t have a problem sleeping but not this year…I can’t stop thinking about what was, is, and yet to come. and the simple fact that I miss my love and what we had together. It’s difficult to go from being married to someone who you knew pretty well, and he knew you to….nothing, gone, no goodbyes, no I love you’s, see you around, nothing. Throughout our life together we had discussions about what we would do if the other was no longer there yet in the back of our minds…well that will be along time off. We’ll grow old together…get cranky, sick, love, be there for each other…until one day…nothing. He’s gone. No more phone calls, no more “I love you” before walking out the door, no more what do you want for dinner, no more teasing (one of his least favorite unless he could tease me)…nothing. Only silence.