Let me introduce you to my spot. My spot is a place I think, pray, eat, read devotionals, study my bible here. The view I have from this spot is of a cross my SIL made as a Christmas present. This cross is made of wood and is front and center in my living space. For the last 3 years…finding “my spot” has been extremely important. I have always liked sitting on the floor so this spot allows me to be me.

Today I’m thinking about this past week. It was quite the week, emotionally, spiritually and physically. A week to reflect on and breathe in. One to add to good memories.

I had the best opportunity to spend the week with some amazingly creative, loving, maturing, young ladies…my grand daughters. As mom and dad were away looking for their next home I was trying to keep my sanity and theirs while living in the moment. Thursday May 3rd was the four year mark of my husband’s death. I was very weepy that day, which I allow myself the grace to be….yet being around four girls that are easily excited on a good day…and me being weepy and my inner timing off…made for one grumpy grammy (actually Mama but I liked how grammy sounded). I did apologize to the girls for being so grumpy and in their sweet, kind way … said “That’s okay we love you anyway”…Oh my gosh talk about my heart melting. By Friday I was mentally and physically tired. Also, in the back of my mind I knew Saturday was right around the corner.

The first Saturday in May….the day Mikes’ death actually happened…yep double whammy is usually a challenging day (in every sense of the word). So what did I do…. I woke up Saturday morning, not sad but kind of angry. To my amazement. I was kind of mad, mad at what the enemy had made this day to be, a memory of a tradgic death. I woke up late (9 is late for me…but apparently I needed the sleep). Side note: One thing I enjoy doing is early morning grocery store visits; as I’m driving to the store, windows down, sun shining: I’m thinking about what this day represents to me, at this point I realized I can change what this day is…..I decided to celebrate life….life as it is today. Trust me this is new for me. I’ve had conversations with the Lord such as: am I going to have to wait 7 years before I have a sense of release from grief and sadness?…I’m not sure I’m liking that….however, if I must wait, okay. The Lord knows I never asked for this cup, it truly was not in my view of how my life was going to be. Here is where Jesus in the Garden (Luke 22:42) is one of my favorite poignant stories in the bible for me….”Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me, nevertheless not my will, but Yours be done”. I know what’s happened, has happened. The cup has been handed to me, it’s now my choice to either accept it or reject it. To reject it would be to reject Christ, that I can not do. To accept this cup is to accept what has happened and continue forward, as is. I truly felt a weight lifted off me on Saturday, a sense of peace filled my heart, I think I’ve finally accepted this cup, fully. Being with my grand daughters during the week and closing my week with dear friends, just being who we are today, is what mattered….this would be how Mike would want it and I do too. Eating food, being with family, dear friends and celebrating life. So grilling it was.

I try to encourage others to find their spot, one that helps you take a look at life, reflect on it, have a little or big talk with Jesus, and listen, look into God’s word, there is so much relevancy in my world today written in the bible. Be honest, open, vulnerable, and ready.