Recently I was in a conference room with about 8 people. It was an unknown setting to me because of the purpose I was there. However, that’s not the focus. What I was having an issue with were the words that were coming out of the mouth of a person speaking. As I was trying to listen a song from “My Fair Lady” came to mind….it’s a phrase she sings in “Show Me”…..words, words, words, all I hear are words. I get sick of hearing words.” Yep…that’s were mind goes. May not have been the most appropriate place for my mind to go…however that is what I was experiencing. The “words” coming out of this person’s mouth were just that….empty words. Words to make______ feel better. Words that person wanted to express yet held little meaning to those listening. I was getting infuriated at this point. I had to take several deep breaths and talk myself through calming myself and not lunging (verbally) at this particular person. So I sat in silence as _____ spoke.

Fast forward to my drive home….12 hours to be exact. This drive gave me time to reflect on what took place. And to be honest I wasn’t happy with what I saw in me. The topic is a very personal, hot topic…however, how I responded…or didn’t is what I’m now thinking about. As I thought about how I was responding, mentally, to this very one sided conversation, it drew me to think about my conversations/prayers/words to God. Do I speak to him like I heard in this conference room. Do I speak words just to hear myself speak or is there purpose in those words. Than I started thinking about my bible study groups I”m in. Do I speak just to hear me speak or is there a purpose to my words….a purpose to speak truth, healing, encouragement, wisdom? There is a time to be silent and a time to speak. But in my little world, time and space I say a lot to the Lord with very little substance and to top it off I don’t allow Him to speak to me. I’m pushing words out but not breathing His words in.

This caused me to actively make some changes. Not to manipulate God into my world but to set me into HIS world. I’m working on waiting (eeek), listening (trying to calm my mind), and if needed respond… This goes against the grain of what I’ve learned through life in general…(i.e be active, do, participate, perform for us to see if you’re worthy of noticing….I do not perform well never have, I choke under that type of pressures). So….I’ve done some intentional living choices to set me up to listen. Tried to be more aware of distractions that pull me away from listening/hearing, reading/studying. It takes baby steps. I’m hoping the outcome will be me hearing/acknowledging when the Holy Spirit is guiding/leading me and less of myself. I know I’ll make mistakes…I’m still human…but I’m making an effort to sense the Lord in the deeper part of myself…into my heart and soul. I was recently asked if I was awake. I think I’ve done a lot of sleep walking….I believe it’s time for me to wake up and be more silent/still.

I don’t know who…if anyone, will read this but my prayer is we all recognize we need to put action to the words we speak. Be more sincere, think before speaking, weighing our words. May they hold truth, heart, and the soul of God’s word, and spoken for His purpose. Be more silent & still….waiting is excruciation but extremely necessary (it’s a balance of wait, go now…yep). I do ask myself if I had done this before moving to Houston would Mike and I be in a different situation today….maybe. However, (I know, I use this word a lot… 🙂 ) No more excuses…the time to do this is NOW.