I haven’t been real consistent with writing in my blog due to uncertainty in my life. I’ve had a lot to say but the words just wouldn’t come together to make sense. This is how my mind works. I may have something to say but forming the right way to say them can be difficult, so I chose to say nothing at all, until…Yep,

So here I am. The thought of reinventing myself, or starting over at the age of 58 is a little daunting, scary, mixed with a little excitement (by nature I’m not a risk taker). Just trying to figure out the single life. Being married for 33+yrs is work enough…let alone trying to figure out what’s next… during the married life we were figuring out life together. Ready to face whatever challenges, joys, moments came our way, together. That was our marriage anyway.

So here I am single, a “widow” (to put a hard title to it). With no one to figure this out with. Feeling a little stuck here. What’s next? How do I accomplish next when all I want is what I had? Grasping at what I had and now I have to look forward to…………(picture empty space here).

Until this last Sunday. And maybe a little push from my daughter with an idea due to a slight crack in a door that has opened. And believe me when I say….my son is just as involved.

Let me step back a bit. After my husband was killed I had some big conversations with God about my kids. There were a few things I needed Him to do for them before I could even think about me….yep, a momma’s heart. There were so many times I wanted to do something and all I heard was wait…Oh my goodness, hearing that drove me nuts. But there was a reason for that, God was working on my previous requests. Some of those requests took time. God isn’t a Genie but He is a giver of life and gifts. As some know, last year I tried to move to Arizona and oh my gosh….doors closed in my face quicker than I could even blink. I was mad, hurt, disappointed and downright done. This is where I needed to be to wait some more and truly walk into, and see, how God had answered my requests about my kids. It wasn’t until I went to North Carolina to visit one set of kids, did I get it. I was walking out to my car when I realized both sets of kids were taken care of…just as I had asked. I almost had to sit down. It was such a rush, like a wind and then a calm/ a deep sense of peace….all in one moment of time. Hence, why I almost had to sit down.

So back to now. The Sunday sermon was centered around the Prayer of Jabez. I read the book years prior, however, the way the passage was presented was different. Our pastor has a way of setting the scene with biblical history, theology, practical application that paints a picture of the moment. At times quite mind blowing. Now back to the book….the moment I heard what the gist of the sermon was going to be…I knew, once again my Lord has been listening. Oh and I had the Prayers of The People. The prayer I had been given by the Holy Spirt made absolutely no sense to me. I thought I was out of my mind once again. My prayer was just a small piece of the picture the Lord had been putting together…ok….I just rabbit trailed.

Anyway, back to where I am today. A new future. I hope to have an opportunity to step into a new future. This is a place I never thought I would be. It’s taken me a while to get there but only in my time frame….not God’s. It’s now my turn. My turn to lay what I want before God and experience His handy work. To some it may not make sense, and no I don’t have full details or picture…But I know who does. It’s time to get unstuck, and walk into a new future. One that consists of me and what I want. I may not get all of my wants, but I do know, in time, it will all unfold beautifully just as God and I have planned.