Goodbye is so heard to say, it seems so forever. Well, there’s a time/moment to say goodbye because it could possibly be the chapter, journey, moment must end/close. This is where I am this week. By this time next Sunday I will be leaving a place that holds so many moments for me.

When I first arrived in Albuquerque I was in the toughest place, personally, I had ever been, and hope to never be again. I was torn, broken, heart broken, despondent, lost, wandering, unsure of what was next, numb, huge gray cloud hanging over me, and extremely angry. I was angry at a world that just took, what I thought, was the best part of me.

The first time I stood at this spot, looking out at Albuquerque I was not sure how this torn apart, shell of a person would ever be the same again. I cried, yelled (kinda…more inside than out…there’s a big community behind me). I had earphones in listening to music but so angry and lost. I was on a bike trying to work the anger out physically. I honestly didn’t “see” the beauty that was right in front of me. All I could see were gray, ugly, clouds. All while saying “what’s next?”.

Fast forward….5 yrs later:

Last evening I purposely, slowly, walked up to this spot. Reflecting/reminiscing/thinking of the person I am right now, who’s standing in this same spot. I was fully aware of what was going on around me. Although, not the best of sunsets, it was what I needed. A moment to reflect and come full circle. To know, the person standing there was/is not the same person standing there 5 years prior. Sometimes, God’s healings take a while. Especially, when the wound is deep. There are layers that need to be fully healed before one can move forward.

This last year, I’ve been in a place of closing. I’ve watched and been the recipient of God closing this 5 year journey. Things I placed before Him in prayer just a month after Mike was killed ( I’m thankful I journal because I wrote these prayers down and I went back to read those prayers) have been answered. As usual the Lord has gone above and way beyond in those answers.

As of May 2019, and a visit to my kids in North Carolina, was when I knew my time in ABQ was closing. This is why I’m a huge fan of taking a coast to coast road trip, at least once in a life time. Car time is where I have had close encounters with my God, most often. This is where I can literally scream, cry, talk, sing really loud and no one can hear me (it’s actually quite cathartic). I’m a captive audience!! (Yep, just chased a rabbit)

Okay, back to closing ABQ. As I’m driving back to New Mexico, looking out over the fields, this side of Arkansas. I realize, I’m a western girl. Don’t get me wrong, eastern side of the US is gorgeous, however, I really like open space. I like to see beyond the fields, to the trees and mountains, and sky (to include clouds). At this point, I have an aha moment. The Lord is giving me a choice, a chance to weigh in and over my options. My father has never ceased to amaze me, showing me how big, strong, yet caring, soft, and loving He is. God truly, has never left me or forsaken=abandoned me…EVER!! HE is true to His words and promises. God knows how, when, why, and where to deliver and NEVER disappoints…teaches with strength and great detail. I’m only disappointed due to my lack of understanding (ie…trying to move last year, when the timing wasn’t right).

As I say my goodbyes, it doesn’t mean forgotten. Albuquerque will always be a chapter in my book of life that proves God heals from the inside out. I will be moving to a new home, opening a new chapter with eyes open in wonder as to what ever is next will be good. Recently, I was led to read Psalms 20:4- May God give you the desire of your heart and all your plans succeed. This was confirmed by a very young girl in my Friday night gospel group who believed she needed to read Psalms 20 to me. Oh my gosh…my heart hit the floor, along with tears. Out of the mouth of babes. She just confirmed what the Lord had placed before me. He has a way of using so many ways to let me know, He’s truly listening.

So goodnight and goodbye Albuquerque. Thank you for allowing me to come and heal. Thank you Hope Westside aka Refuge Church for loving me through the ugly, bad, to good, being as authentic as you are and giving me grace/encouragement to be authentic too. I’ve learned/experienced a lot, and I will take this with me…it’s the good kind of baggage that only improves over time. You will forever be in my heart…..